i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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