Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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