Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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