I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've blown a few things in my day
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
