she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
