what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
