May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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