you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
