I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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