I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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