reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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