An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
