Pappa wants mamma naked
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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