Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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