I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
