I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
