i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
