Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
