i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
