you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
