In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
