Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
