I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
