I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
