A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
