I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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