hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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