I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
try to milk me bitch
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