You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The power of my boobs compel you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
