I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize