two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
