Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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