happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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