I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
