Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
