True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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