hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i will never coherently bang her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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