I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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