Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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