..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
