My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
