my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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