I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
