"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
