tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
