I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
