After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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