You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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