Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
