i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
