Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
