just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she peed on how many people?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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