Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
