That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
