operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
