haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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