Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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