Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
