If that was your dad, he is hot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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