at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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