she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
