the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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