She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
