i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
