I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
