i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
