Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Randomize
