foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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