u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
