when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
