so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
